When Quiet Time Feels Heavy

“I don't feel close to God. I haven’t had my daily quiet time.”
 “I’m such a poor Christian—I haven’t done my quiet time in months.”
 “The whole idea of a structured, daily quiet time feels so heavy and forced.”

As a counselor, I’ve heard these words many times. There’s often a deep discouragement behind them—a belief that distance from God is the result of not checking the right spiritual boxes. For many, when life gets hard or faith feels dry, the pressure to “have a quiet time” only adds to the burden.

Spending time in God’s Word, prayer, and building spiritual rhythms matters, but they come alive when our hearts are set on knowing Him, not just checking a box. The joy is in seeking Him, not in the routine itself.  And in the seeking, God’s presence becomes real. 

A Psalmist's longing

David, in Psalm 27, gives us a powerful glimpse into his desire to be in relationship with God:

“One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple.” —Psalm 27:4

This is not about duty. It's about desire. David longs to simply be with God—to dwell in His presence, to gaze upon His beauty, to know Him deeply.

This kind of relationship doesn’t start with a checklist. It starts with a heart that seeks Him.

What does this worship look like?

Organic worship is about living in constant awareness of Jesus, without the pressure of formal routines or performance. It’s relational, not ritual. It’s a natural outflow of a heart connected to God throughout everyday life.

For many who feel stuck or discouraged by structured devotions, this shift can be freeing. Instead of feeling guilty for missing a quiet time or stopping altogether because you missed so many, you begin to recognize God's presence in the ordinary and the unplanned.

Ways to worship Jesus organically

Here are some gentle, grace-filled ways to stay connected with Jesus throughout your day:

Make every moment an act of worship

Worship isn’t just singing or Bible study—it’s how we live.  Thank Him in small moments. Whisper a prayer while driving. Acknowledge His presence as you work or rest.

Love others well, act with integrity, and surrender your heart moment by moment—that's worship, too.

Talk to God like a friend

You don’t need a special chair or time slot to pray. Talk to Jesus throughout your day.
 Say things like:

• “Jesus, I love You.  Let me feel your presence.”

• “What do You want me to do here?”

• “Help me trust You in this issue or in this moment.”
   Short, honest prayers keep the relationship alive.

See God in the everyday

God reveals Himself in nature, in laughter, in kindness.  Take a walk. Breathe deeply. Look around—and recognize His fingerprints in the small things, in nature, in the world around you.

Sing and express gratitude freely

Worship doesn’t need a band or a playlist. If a song rises in your heart, sing it. If you feel thankful, speak it out. Praise Him for His presence, His provision, His nearness, His grace.  He has adopted you into His family, and you are a child of His.  Praise Him as His child.

Let Scripture speak to you throughout the day

Instead of trying to finish a certain number of chapters, sit with a single verse that speaks to you.   Repeat it. Pray it. Let it shape your heart. 

Also, apps like You Version make it easy to listen to Scripture while you go about your day.

Love others as worship

Worship is also how we treat people.  Forgive when it’s hard. Encourage someone. Be kind when no one’s watching. These acts reflect Jesus and draw us close to Him.

Take your pain to God 

 Time with God isn’t just for peace and praise. It’s also a place to come honestly with your pain. The Psalms—especially the Psalms of Lament—show us that bringing our sorrow, questions, fear, and even anger to God isn’t a lack of faith, but a real expression of it. Some of the most sacred times happen when we bring our whole, hurting selves into His presence.

 Abide, not perform

Jesus said, “Abide in me, and I in you” (John 15:4).  

The word abide emphasizes the believer's connection, dependence, and fellowship with Jesus. This is an invitation: not to perform for God, but to live with Him—in your thoughts, your breath, your everyday rhythms, in the quiet moments.

Yes, learning and obedience are essential to our spiritual growth. Later in Psalm 27:11, David prays, “Teach me your way, O Lord.”   Organic worship leads us toward both intimacy and transformation—toward knowing God and walking in His ways.  It also leads us to learn His commandments and to obey them.

Final Thought

If you feel far from God, don’t let guilt over missed quiet times keep you from Him. He’s not waiting for you to do it right—He’s inviting you to draw near to Him in relationship, right where you are.

God wants your heart, not your perfection or performance.

Understanding Our Negative Emotions

Very few of us would flat-out ignore warning lights in our cars. I can personally recall many times that I’ve had to search out my glove compartment and find my car’s manual to find the meaning of the flashing codes on my dashboard. Some issues were quick fixes, and others not so much. We would be foolish to ignore such flashing signals, because oftentimes a small, inexpensive and quick fix could potentially cause a much more expensive repair if it isn’t handled in a timely manner.

It’s the same with our emotions. Frequent small fits of anger, for example, may seem innocent, but if we don’t take the time to stop and reflect on such emotions, they have the potential to cause much harm in our lives.

We all experience negative emotions from time to time. They can be unsettling at best and frightening at worst. Sometimes their intensity can become so bad that we wonder “Where are these emotions coming from?” and “How do I get them under control?”  “Do my negative emotions mean that something is really wrong with me?” It’s usually the intensity of these negative emotions that compels people to seek out counseling.

A big part of the counseling process is helping others untangle the complexity of their emotions- to find clarity in their meaning and to forge a path forward. The most frequent negative emotions cited in our counseling center’s intake forms are anxiety, anger, sadness, and bitterness. These emotions can be so overwhelming at times that people often feel they can no longer cope with them. There is a lot to be said about the reason individuals may view their negative emotions the way they do, but the purpose of this post is to examine a biblical view of such emotions.

Instead of ignoring them, denying them, minimizing them, or shaming ourselves for having negative emotions, let’s see what scripture might say.

1)     Emotions are part of our humanity.

We were created as spiritual, physical, relational and emotional beings. The book of Psalms demonstrates the wide gamut of emotions that we experience. We can see the depths of despair and hopelessness in Psalm 88 as the psalmist exclaims, “Why, Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? (vs. 14) and “You have taken from me friend and neighbor- darkness is my closest friend.” (vs. 18) In Psalm 71, we see the psalmist’s expression of great hope- “As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.” Throughout the book of Psalms, we see fear, grief, betrayal, envy, and anger. We also see hope, joy, and great delight. The Psalms help us acknowledge that our emotions are a part of our existence.

2)     Jesus, who had perfect faith, experienced negative emotions.

When Jesus went with His disciples to Gethsemane, “he began to be sorrowful and troubled.” (Matthew 26: 37) He said to Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” (vs. 38) These verses help us to see that our emotions are a part of our humanity, and that our negative emotions are not always indicative of a lack of faith.

3)     God wants us to talk to Him about all of our emotions.

Jesus says, “Come to me those who are weary and burdened”. (Matthew 11:28) In Psalm 62:8, we are encouraged to “pour out our hearts to God, for He is our refuge.”  Many people fear that they cannot draw close to God when they are experiencing intense negative emotions, as though they are being irreverent somehow. But what we see from scripture is that God desires for us to come to him with all of ourselves. He really wants us to know him personally and experience His compassion for us when we are suffering emotionally.

Just as we would not expect a small suffering child to “pull themselves together” and articulate their pain or sorrow to us in a clear and respectful manner, God also does not expect that from us. We can and should pour out our hearts to Him- especially when we are filled with negative emotions.

4)     We may experience negative emotions as we obey God.

Oftentimes there is an incongruence between our emotions and what we believe God is calling us to do. For example, God may call us to do something that feels very scary. I cannot imagine how the men chosen to explore the land of Canaan felt when they saw the size of the inhabitants who were living there. God had told His people, “Send some men to explore the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the Israelites.” (Numbers 13:2) They knew that God was sending them. They also knew that God was giving them the land. It wasn’t until the spies saw the giants that their emotions became more powerful than what God had told them. Some of the spies came back and reported, “The people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large.” (Numbers 13:28) Joshua and Caleb pleaded with the Israelites to trust what God had told them. (Numbers 14: 9) Ultimately, their fear reigned.

When we struggle to discern God’s call for us in light of our emotions, it is most helpful in these seasons of our lives to be in community with other believers. There is safety in the counsel of many (Proverbs 11:14). Other believers may help provide clarity and discernment regarding our walk with the Lord, especially when we are experiencing negative emotions.  

5)     Our negative emotions are reminders that things are not as they should be.

We were created good. (Genesis 1:31) Adam and Eve lived and walked in peace with God. They had a blessed relationship with Him, with each other, and with all of creation. Genesis 2:25 tells us that “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” It wasn’t until they ate from the tree of good and evil that they felt their separation from God. In “Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin”, Cornelius Plantinga states, “God hates sin not just because it violates his law but, more substantively, because it violates shalom, because it breaks the peace, because it interferes with the way things are supposed to be.” Oftentimes, our negative emotions are simply reminders to us that the world is not as it should be. Sin has marred the world, and our souls often grieve the brokenness.

6)     God moves towards us when we experience negative emotions.

I think many people would acknowledge that when they outwardly express negative emotions of sadness, grief, anger, or anxiety that other people may pull away from them. What we see most often throughout scripture, however, is that God draws near to those suffering from emotional pain. Psalm 34:18 tells us that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”.  We see Him draw near to Hagar when she desperately cried out to Him in the wilderness. His compassion for her was so evident that she called Him “The God who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13) We see Jesus, as he approached the grieving widow of Nain who had just lost her only son to death, that “when He saw her, His heart went out to her and He said, ‘Don’t cry’.” (Luke 7:13) God saw Hagar. He saw the widow. He also sees you. Whether or not you feel His presence in your pain, He is with you. Isaiah 53:4 tells us “Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering”. As our great high priest, Jesus knows and understands our pain and is always interceding for us- even if we don’t feel it.

 Practically speaking, how can we apply these truths to our day-to-day lives? First, be kind to yourself. Whenever you experience negative emotions, rather than dismissing them, or thinking “I shouldn’t feel this way”, be curious about them. See them as warning lights that something is wrong. And then take them to the Lord. Pray along with the psalmist, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

From personal experience, I can recall countless times that the Lord has comforted me with His grace and compassion, whether my emotional pain was brought on by the sins of others, or it was brought on by my own sin. God is good. He wants us to be honest with Him about our pain. He desires to give us clarity about our negative emotions. Because He alone truly knows our hearts, we need to go to Him first when we see the warning lights.

God wants us to move forward and flourish. His ultimate desire for us is holiness. And this starts with honesty. Our negative emotions are warning signs that something is wrong. Learn to notice them and appreciate them. The more you get into the habit of being honest with God about your negative emotions, the more you will experience His love and compassion for you, and your trust in Him will grow. “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge”. (Psalm 62:8)

For additional reading on this topic, check out “I Shouldn’t Feel This Way” by Alison Cook and “Untangling Emotions” by Alasdair Groves and Winston T. Smith.

Replacing False Beliefs with the Truth

At the outset of this blog, let me give credit to Robert McGee’s work provided in his book The Search for Significance (highly recommended reading). Much of what follows has this book’s DNA. 

In February of 1971, Paul McCartney formerly of the Beatles wrote a song titled “Another Day” – the song describes the daily routine of a lady, unhappy and mundane, expressing “it’s just another day.” Is that how you woke up thinking or feeling this morning? I have fallen prey to that mindset all too often.  

Let me ask another question: as you move through these mundane days, do you find yourself seeking meaning in the acceptance and approval of others? Don’t know? Well, let’s check that out. 

Ask yourself these questions: 

1. Do I tend to believe that I must meet certain performance standards to be approvable – to have worth?

2. Do I tend to believe that I must be esteemed by certain others to be acceptable? 

3. Do I tend to believe that those who fail (including myself) are unworthy of love and deserve blame and punishment? 

4. Do I tend to believe frustratingly that I am what I am - I cannot change - I am hopeless and full of shame? 

If you emphatically said “yes” to any of these questions, then you might be mired in the quagmire of “false beliefs.” Based on my tendencies, and based on what I have seen, I suspect you might struggle with at least one of these items. 

As we look left and right in our world, we find ourselves desperately wanting to achieve some notable feat, or be included in various social, academic, athletic, economic, or other circles with high approval and acceptance. Further, we tend to look at the performance, behavior, beliefs of ourselves and others and quietly judge that people that don’t measure up are unlovable, and should suffer punishing consequences. And like the McCartney song above, some of us simply fall into the rut of the mundane, frustrating thought that I am unchangeable and simply “this is my life and I will just live in shame.” 

If you read McGee’s book, you will find his overarching false-belief formula to be: 

My (and others) Worth = My (and others) Performance + Other People’s Opinions about me (them) 

So if this formula is true, approval, acceptance, blame, and shame are tied to our performance plus what others think about us. You may be thinking: “Of course this is the measurement – we live in a performance-based society!” But this thinking is directly opposite to Biblical Truth. 

Even worse, these habitually wrong beliefs can lead to various forms of anxiety or depression that sometimes even reach clinical levels. The associated struggles from false beliefs show up in excessive anger, jealousy, bitterness, frustration, disappointment, sadness, risk-taking, compromising, medicating, nervousness, and other problematic behaviors.  

Unfortunately, if the beliefs stay unnoticed and unreplaced, we become a part in the final verse of McCartney’s song about “just another day”: 

So sad, so sad. Sometimes she (we) feels so sad.  

Oh, but because of God’s great mercy and His Word, we can deal with this! As a biblical counselor, I am tasked, through God’s Word and by God’s power, with helping people dispel the false beliefs that they have adopted, and replace those false beliefs with the Truth of the Scripture.

While our subject lady in the noted song lyric is looking for who-knows-what, we point to Jesus and His finished work to change our outlook in the Search for Significance. 

So, let’s look at the Scriptures to give us the proper spiritual mindset as we begin each day where His mercies are “new” as conveyed in Lamentations (of all books!). The remedy is tied to the finished work of Christ. 

1. Approval (versus failure) – Our quest is to replace the false belief that I must meet certain standards to have worth. (Example: If I could just get that promotion, I would be worthy of approval.)  
   
   We replace this by embracing the Truth with the theological concept we term Justification. This Truth emphatically says that we have been declared 100% righteous based on  Christ’s perfect righteousness that was transferred to us when we embraced Jesus by faith (Ref. Romans 5:1, 2 Corinthians 5:21 e.g.). Thus, being declared “perfect” based on what Christ has done on my behalf, at what higher level do I need to perform to be approved? The answer is obvious. 

2. Acceptance (versus rejection) – Our quest is to replace the false belief that I must be esteemed by certain others to be worthy of acceptance. (Example: If I could just economically measure up to that group, they might accept me into their clique and I would love it!).  
   
   We replace this by embracing the Truth with the theological concept we term Reconciliation. This Truth emphatically says that although at one time (outside of Christ) we were at enmity with God (not in His clique as it were), we have now been reconciled to Him by the finished work of Christ – not only reconciled, but adopted! (Colossians 1:21-22, 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 e.g.). Thus being reconciled to and adopted by almighty God Himself, how many more earthly acceptances do I need to be fully accepted? The answer is obvious. 

3. Innocence (versus blame – punishment) – Our quest is to replace the false belief that those who fail (including myself) are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished. (Example: The behavior of my teenage kids drives me mad, makes me angry, and I am going to give them a tongue-lashing they’ll never forget.)   
   
   We replace this by embracing the Truth with the theological concept we term Propitiation. Simply put, God’s wrath against our sins has been satisfied by His unleashing of punishment onto Jesus at the cross where Jesus said, “It is finished” (1 John 4:9-11 e.g.). Thus, if Jesus has appeased God’s wrath on our behalf, how much more punishment does our or someone’s performance deserve? The answer is obvious. (Guidance and discipline to those teenage kids -yes; verbally abusive punishment – no). 

4. Flourishing (versus shamed / stifled) – Our quest is to replace the false belief that frustratingly posits I am what I am - I cannot change - I am hopeless. (Example: My past sin is so grave; this burden will never be lifted – I am hopeless.) 
   
   We replace this by embracing the Truth with the theological concept we term Regeneration (tied to Sanctification - Ephesians 2: 1, 1 Corinthians 5:17e.g.). When we embrace Christ through faith, the Bible is clear that we have become new creations, and that God now does a work in and through our new heart. He does change us as we grow in Christ so that we can look forward and not wallow in shame. Really – is God unable to change you? The answer is obvious. 

The application to dismissing false beliefs is straightforward, but it will take full reliance on the Holy Spirit to undo the habitual patterns of thinking and behavior that have plagued us for so long. We must (by His power) daily renew our minds (Romans 12:1-2) to recall and know that we are fully approved, fully accepted, fully significant to, fully loved by God, and ever-changing in and through the finished work of Christ. If resting in God’s finished work is an application, then that is your and my application. However, it does not mean we rest from being about his Kingdom’s work.  

On the contrary, we stop the folly of seeking approval, acceptance, security, love in worldly desires (things and relationships) all the while dismissing our adopted position through the finished work of Christ. With that change, resulting from our gratitude and love for/from Him, we become immersed in His desires: Worshipping Him, serving others, spreading the Gospel, making disciples. 

Over time, the lyrics can become: 

Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee. 

Who Is Perimeter Counseling?

"Do we really need another counseling option in Atlanta?" I wrestled with this question a few years ago as I knew of a growing number of counselors and even more counseling organizations in and around North Atlanta. But I couldn't shake this question: "Where is the church's voice in the counseling conversation?". 1 Or put more pointedly: “Shouldn’t the church be the place that offers the best care for people?”

I certainly wasn't the first one to ask this question, nor will I be the last. 2 The more I read, prayed, and studied, the more I knew the Church - specifically my church - should play a role in the counseling conversation. Thankfully, the leadership at Perimeter Church was in agreement.

What would it look like to have a counseling organization that ministered to the people of Perimeter Church, but also to the surrounding community? What would it take to have counselors who were both experienced and wise in studying people (the stuff of psychology) and the Scriptures (the stuff of theology)? What would it look like to have a counseling center that lived inside a church, supporting the leadership and discipleship structures, but not replacing the need for these structures? Could a church-based counseling center strike the balance of both excellent professionalism and loving, pastoral warmth? These questions were the energy behind what we now call Perimeter Counseling.

—

The word “counseling” can have a variety of meanings. Rather than seeking to give the most perfect, well-rounded counseling definition in history (an assuredly futile exercise for yours truly), I’ll tell you a bit about us. Here is what we mean when we say “counseling” at Perimeter: We are a Christ-centered, clinically informed counseling center that is redemptive in purpose, holistic in care, and practical in application. Let me unpack what we mean by those terms.

Christ-Centered

If I could have one phrase that defines our counseling, I’d want it to be “Christ-centered”. I tell our counselors that if all else fails and the person in front of you is loved and pointed to Christ - that is a success. 

To be Christ-centered is to have one primary, overarching, main goal in counseling: God-glorifying heart change. 3 We want to help you worship God with the thoughts, emotions, choices - and even the desires - of your heart. That's our goal: that Christ would be exalted in each heart as we grow in faith through our union with Him. 

How does this make us distinct? Mike Emlet, a faculty member of CCEF (Christian Counseling Educational Foundation), sums up what is distinct about our counseling:

Biblical language is our native tongue. While fluency with psychological conceptualizations and methodologies may indeed be helpful as a second language, our counseling theory and methodology is driven by Scripture's view of people as physically embodied, relationally and situationally embedded, image-bearing worshipers of the living God. 4

 Clinically informed

A native tongue is something that naturally flows from you. It is the natural way of speaking, the gut-reaction, the go-to words for any situation. Can someone be fluent in two languages? Certainly. But there is always something about that second language that is just that - secondary.

Our native tongue is Christ-centeredness, as Emlet puts it, being “driven by Scripture’s view of people…” Our secondary language is the way psychology would understand a person, including observations and methods that might be helpful to help that person get better. We believe that psychological research, data, and methodologies can be helpful secondary sources to aid in our goal of Christ-centered heart transformation.

Redemptive in Purpose, Holistic in Care, and Practical in Application

At Perimeter, our counseling is redemptive. We want to locate your story within the context of the redemptive-historical Biblical storyline.

How do we do this? We listen and locate. First, good counseling listens to a person's story and all the "rabbit trails". In the counseling room, people often apologize for going "off track". I quickly remind them that no piece of a story is meaningless, because everything said (or left unsaid) tells a story about your experience. Through listening well, a counselor locates the person’s story within the larger metanarrative of Scripture, connecting our lives to God’s plan of redeeming the world (Ephesians 1:9-10, Rev. 21:5). God is working in your life right now to: 

bind up the wounds of your broken heart, 

walk with you in your suffering,

break you of sin’s reign and power,

make you more like Him,

bring redemption to those around you,

for the sake of his glory…

and so much more. 

We want to help you connect your story - the good, bad, and the ugly - to God’s redeeming work. Because in that you will find purpose, and in that you will find joy. But most importantly, in that you will find Him.

Next, our counseling is holistic. Christian anthropology understands that people are created both body and soul. Therefore, although we focus on the “heart” or “soul” in our counseling, we can’t neglect the influences of the body. Mike Emlet elaborates:

...the Bible…compels us to look at both potential bodily weaknesses and the sin that arises out of the heart. The riches of the gospel apply not to generic “hearts,” but real flesh and blood people struggling in specific situations with specific heart issues. Robust biblical counseling must walk the tightrope of acknowledging real somatic influences while rejecting any world-view that minimizes the coram deo aspect of living, as expressed in obedience to the first and second Great Commandments. Put another way, faith and repentance never occur in a vacuum, but are expressed in the midst of the unique bodily pressures that provoke the heart. 5

Notice what Emlet says here. Understanding this body-soul interaction is like walking a  "tightrope". That being said, we approach people’s experiences and bodily influences with great humility and curiosity.

Finally, we aim to be practical in our care. We need tools for change. We need to replace harmful thoughts with helpful thoughts (Phil. 4:8). We need to understand how to grieve, to lament, to forgive, to move forward. If  the truth discussed in the counseling room never hits us at street-level, then we will not move forward with lasting heart change. Theology is practical, because God is involved with every thought, word, and deed of our lives.

All of this sounds great and is important - and it is important. But at the end of the day it boils down to this: we want to offer you the same comfort we’ve received from God Himself (2 Cor. 1:3-4). If you need direction, are stuck, are struggling, or in pain - we hope you can find a home here. We know Someone who can help. 

1 For more of a backstory, see A History of Pastoral Care in America: From Salvation to Self-realization by E. Brooks Holifield.
2 The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation’s motto is to "Restore Christ to counseling and counseling to the local church.” I’m indebted to their labors)
3 See Identifying Heart Transformation by Nate Brooks
4 Emlet, Mike. The Biblical in Biblical Counseling, Journal of Biblical Counseling 35:1 (2021), 4.
5 Emlet, Mike. Understanding the Influences of the Human Heart, Journal of Biblical Counseling Winter 2002, 50.