When Fear Meets Faith: Parenting in the Tension
I’ll never forget the image of my two-month-old’s bluing body as he lay in the crib, fighting to breathe.
I had stopped by his nursery to peek in on my napping newborn and stumbled upon a scene I’ll never be able to shake. He couldn’t even cry—his tiny, helpless body flailed, gasping for air.
Through the sleepless haze of those early parenting years, few moments stand out as vividly as that one. It branded itself onto my heart with the rawest of emotions: pure fear.
The moment I scooped him up marked the beginning of a difficult—and at times heartbreaking—journey. It ushered in doctor’s appointments, sleeping devices, and new routines. But more than that, it launched a deeper, more transformative path: one that called me to trust God through every fear-soaked step.
The Double-Edged Sword of Fear
Fear is a complicated companion.
Sometimes, it’s a gift—a swift motivator that propels us to act before our minds catch up. But when fear lingers, it becomes something else entirely. It deceives us, convincing us that we’re powerful and self-sufficient, even as it hollows us out from the inside.
Fear thrives on these whispered lies: You are alone. You are in control.
That day in the nursery, fear and adrenaline moved me to act quickly. But in the days and months that followed, fear settled deeper. I held my son constantly, monitoring every breath. I believed that if I just stayed close enough, I could keep him safe.
Fear had fooled me into thinking I was enough.
When Fear Shapes Our Parenting
Fear doesn’t stay hidden—it seeps into our decisions, our schedules, even our relationships. As parents, we’re constantly met with moments that stir anxiety: a child’s illness, a broken bone, their first solo drive, their first heartbreak, their first steps into the world.
And perhaps most debilitating of all—how others perceive our parenting.
As Christian parents, we long for clear, specific instructions from God on how to raise our children. We believe the gospel, yet often struggle to apply it to our parenting. So we turn to systems—discipline strategies, sleep-training routines, character-building checklists.
These tools can be incredibly helpful—gifts from God that offer structure and insight. But if they become our ultimate guide, we may have misplaced our trust.
And when we place our trust in anything—or anyone—that isn’t all-knowing or all-powerful, that cannot accomplish what is ultimately good, fear and anxiety are inevitable.
Rebuilding the Foundation
In Isaiah 22, the people of Judah faced an imminent threat. In response, they built up walls, stockpiled supplies, and constructed a reservoir—but they failed to:
“Look at the One who made it, or have regard for the One who planned it long ago.”
—Isaiah 22:11
The problem wasn’t their preparation.
It was their misplaced reliance.
In the same way, parenting books, podcasts, and strategies can be incredibly valuable. But if they aren’t submitted to God’s wisdom—if we don’t view them as tools rather than the foundation—then we need to pause and reevaluate.
What God Has Given Us
I remember leaving the hospital with our firstborn. A kind nurse helped buckle him into his car seat and waved goodbye as we drove into the unknown.
Weeks later, I sat bleary-eyed, holding a wide-awake baby who simply wouldn’t sleep. I tried everything—nursing, rocking, singing—but nothing worked.
I scoured books and blogs, desperate for answers. Eventually, we found a rhythm that helped. But through that process, I realized something deeper:
The way we parent flows from what we believe.
Our practical decisions are shaped by our theological foundation.
So we must ask—what’s at the foundation?
Equipped for the Calling
Second Peter 1:3 reminds us:
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness.”
If God has given us children, then He has also equipped us to raise them—through His Spirit, His Word, and His people.
The Holy Spirit is at work within every believer, refining us and shaping us into the likeness of Christ. As He grows us, our children benefit. They receive parents who are less anxious and more patient. As He uproots our pride, they gain more humble, selfless caregivers.
Our fear gives way to faith as we lean into His presence—relying on His strength and His wisdom instead of our own.
The more we are transformed into Christ’s image, the more our parenting begins to reflect His: patient, gentle, steadfast, and kind.
Guided by Wisdom
God’s Word offers daily instruction and living giving truth. As parents, we long to see our children walk in wisdom and flee from folly. Proverbs speaks directly to this:
“Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.”
—Proverbs 19:18
This verse is both a call to discipline and a warning against neglecting it. But even passages that aren’t explicitly about parenting have much to say to us as parents:
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”
—Proverbs 13:20
This calls us to surround ourselves—and our children—with wisdom and godly counsel. And beyond Proverbs, all of Scripture reveals the way God designed life to flourish. We are called to submit every area of life—including parenting—to God’s Word.
Scripture also reveals the character of God. He is powerful, loving, patient, and merciful. Again and again, He redeems His people—sinful, stubborn children who wanted nothing to do with Him.
He pursues.
He disciplines.
He forgives.
He loves.
As you parent, soak in this truth:
God’s persistent, patient love for you can overflow into how you love your children.
A Faithful Life, Not a Checklist
Deuteronomy 11:19 paints a picture of discipleship woven into daily rhythms: “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
This isn’t a checklist—it’s a lifestyle.
Talk about God over cereal, in the carpool line, during late-night snacking, and while folding laundry. Faith isn’t something we add to parenting—it’s the foundation of it.
Even Scripture’s “one another” commands apply to our children:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another” (Eph. 4:32)
“Encourage one another” (1 Thess. 5:11)
“Bear with one another in love” (Eph. 4:2)
